Financial Jargon for Dummies
Financial Jargon & Terminologies For The Current Times
EBITDA - Earnings Before I Tricked the Dumb Auditor
EBIT - Earnings Before Irregularities and Tempering
Top-Down Investing - People with a bit of economics knowledge but scared shitless about accounting.
Bottom-Up Investing - People who knows a bit about accounting but hates fiction.
Unusual Market Activity - Something the management and directors know NOTHING about.
Averaging Down Investing - When you totally ignore the fact that you were wrong in the first instance.
Doubling Up Investing - Making doubly sure that you are more than fully-invested when the stock eventually tanks.
CEO - Chief Embezzlement Officer
CFO - Chief Fraud Officer
Second Board - What Second Board???
Margin Account - Shorter rope, tighter noose.
Hedge Funds - Institutionalised margin accounts.
NAV - Normal Andersen Valuation
NPAT - Never Pay Any Tax
EPS - Eventual Prison Sentence
Federal Reserve Board - Bank of Japan on Prozac.
Equity Research - As useful as a used condom.
Bloomberg - Starbucks of financial information providers.
Reuters - Toy r'us of financial information providers.
Short Term Investor - Someone who is in-and-out within 3 days or less.
Long Term Investor - A short term investor who cannot get out profitably after 3 days.
Bull Market - A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
Bear Market - A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewellery, and the husband gets no sex.
Technology Sector - Opportunity to throw money at things you don't understand.
Off Balance Sheet Items - More important than items in the balance sheet, and represent things that really should be in the balance sheet.
Momentum Investing - The fine art of buying high and selling low.
Value Investing - The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E ratio - The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the Market keeps crashing.
Broker - Poorer than you were last year.
Remisier - Someone who should have kept their previous job.
Investor Protection - Padded walls in broking halls.
Stock Analyst - Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
Difference Btw A Local & Foreign House Analyst - About RM10,000-RM20,000 a month.
Stock Split - When your ex-wife and her lawyer split all your assets equally between themselves.
Market Correction - The day after you buy stocks.
Cash Flow - The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
Institutional Investor - Past year investor who is now locked up in a nuthouse.
Economist - Someone who tells you why their predictions went wrong.
EBITDA - Earnings Before I Tricked the Dumb Auditor
EBIT - Earnings Before Irregularities and Tempering
Top-Down Investing - People with a bit of economics knowledge but scared shitless about accounting.
Bottom-Up Investing - People who knows a bit about accounting but hates fiction.
Unusual Market Activity - Something the management and directors know NOTHING about.
Averaging Down Investing - When you totally ignore the fact that you were wrong in the first instance.
Doubling Up Investing - Making doubly sure that you are more than fully-invested when the stock eventually tanks.
CEO - Chief Embezzlement Officer
CFO - Chief Fraud Officer
Second Board - What Second Board???
Margin Account - Shorter rope, tighter noose.
Hedge Funds - Institutionalised margin accounts.
NAV - Normal Andersen Valuation
NPAT - Never Pay Any Tax
EPS - Eventual Prison Sentence
Federal Reserve Board - Bank of Japan on Prozac.
Equity Research - As useful as a used condom.
Bloomberg - Starbucks of financial information providers.
Reuters - Toy r'us of financial information providers.
Short Term Investor - Someone who is in-and-out within 3 days or less.
Long Term Investor - A short term investor who cannot get out profitably after 3 days.
Bull Market - A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
Bear Market - A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewellery, and the husband gets no sex.
Technology Sector - Opportunity to throw money at things you don't understand.
Off Balance Sheet Items - More important than items in the balance sheet, and represent things that really should be in the balance sheet.
Momentum Investing - The fine art of buying high and selling low.
Value Investing - The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E ratio - The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the Market keeps crashing.
Broker - Poorer than you were last year.
Remisier - Someone who should have kept their previous job.
Investor Protection - Padded walls in broking halls.
Stock Analyst - Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
Difference Btw A Local & Foreign House Analyst - About RM10,000-RM20,000 a month.
Stock Split - When your ex-wife and her lawyer split all your assets equally between themselves.
Market Correction - The day after you buy stocks.
Cash Flow - The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
Institutional Investor - Past year investor who is now locked up in a nuthouse.
Economist - Someone who tells you why their predictions went wrong.
posted by Mpro @ 11:22 am
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